And an ego???
Long story short, yesterday I dropped a can of spaghetti sauce on my brand new white shoes. A good friend of mine, who is male, worriedly inquired "Are you okay?" I told him that I was fine, although my ego was a little bruised. He almost died of laughter. "Girls don't have egos!" He exclaimed.
I spent the next while talking to, but he was stubborn. Evidently he considers pride right up there with man-parts.
I wonder if this sexist view is more common than I think.
Moreover, it reminds me of how I feel at church sometimes when people bring up the "Girls need to dress modestly because otherwise guys will be aroused because they're helplessly horny". I don't know, it just seems like boys are taught that certain behavior is okay that from a girl would be wrong since boys will be boys. Ugh.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Over-Analyzing Much?
These lyrics come from Brand New Colony by Postal Service, and they've been on my mind. For a while I adored this song, now one line bothers me.. I may just be over-thinking it though.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold
I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change, oOo oOo...
I love the idea of escaping from the frustration of society, of the judgment of others. And I think love** can change everything if you let it.
(**Love--not a temporary collapse of ego boundaries, IE "falling in love").
The part that does make me say hmm are the bolded lines though:
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'm torn. Along with those other verses, you could say this just mean he'll support her no matter what, and take care of her even on insignificant issues. But part of me sees this as "I'll change you so you can be good enough for me" or a condescending "your genes suck but it is okay, I'll make it all better because you can't take care of yourself".
If I have to strain to look into your eyes, just sit down. Problem solved.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold
I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change, oOo oOo...
I love the idea of escaping from the frustration of society, of the judgment of others. And I think love** can change everything if you let it.
(**Love--not a temporary collapse of ego boundaries, IE "falling in love").
The part that does make me say hmm are the bolded lines though:
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'm torn. Along with those other verses, you could say this just mean he'll support her no matter what, and take care of her even on insignificant issues. But part of me sees this as "I'll change you so you can be good enough for me" or a condescending "your genes suck but it is okay, I'll make it all better because you can't take care of yourself".
If I have to strain to look into your eyes, just sit down. Problem solved.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Temple-Home
Today was Fast Sunday, and a lady in my ward approached the pulpit and talked about how, as a stay at home mother, she loved her kids more than anything, but felt inadequate. No, she didn't mean inadequate because of the burden of raising children--that'd be nothing new. Her feelings were because she felt like she was doing her best to make her home a temple, but it was an ongoing battle.
It wasn't a long testimony, but to me it just sounded so dejected and sad. Like she felt that she had failed because her home was not the perfect temple of continual peace and brotherly-love. She has four boys under the age of eight!
My question, the one that really stuck out to me beyond anything else I heard during that meeting, was how many of the people who preach about making your house a perpetual bliss of temple-like happiness are empty-nesters?
I just feel horrible for this poor sister who is beating herself up over such a stupid recommendation. Basing your worth off your performance as a mother (especially on your performance in the eyes of other members of your ward) is way too common, and so frustrating. I'm all for having the spirit in your house, and having God in your heart. But seriously, if you have four children under eight, expect to have a loud house full of fun, mischief, teasing, trouble, and who knows what else! They're kids. Well-behaved robots would keep the peace better, but we're commanded to raise kids, give yourself a break!
It wasn't a long testimony, but to me it just sounded so dejected and sad. Like she felt that she had failed because her home was not the perfect temple of continual peace and brotherly-love. She has four boys under the age of eight!
My question, the one that really stuck out to me beyond anything else I heard during that meeting, was how many of the people who preach about making your house a perpetual bliss of temple-like happiness are empty-nesters?
I just feel horrible for this poor sister who is beating herself up over such a stupid recommendation. Basing your worth off your performance as a mother (especially on your performance in the eyes of other members of your ward) is way too common, and so frustrating. I'm all for having the spirit in your house, and having God in your heart. But seriously, if you have four children under eight, expect to have a loud house full of fun, mischief, teasing, trouble, and who knows what else! They're kids. Well-behaved robots would keep the peace better, but we're commanded to raise kids, give yourself a break!
Institute Substitute
It is a darn good thing that the comments made were by a sub, and not the normal teacher, because if it had been by the normal teacher,I might not be coming to institute for a while.
I walk into a normal Tuesday institute class, ready to be uplifted from the toils of class. "Turn to Alma 56" she said, and we flipped to the chapter, and read the familiar verse.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their amothers, saying: We bdo not doubt our mothers knew it.
Whatever, I've been listening to that verse forever. Blind faith! Great....
But then she took it a step further. "Now we know that the fathers didn't really teach the sons, but we do know some things about them" She turned to me and said "Julia, will you read verse for the class?" I began reading in a clear voice, while my face turned more red by the second
27 And now it came to pass in the second month of this year, there was brought unto us many provisions from the fathers of those my two thousand sons.
I looked at her with a raised eye brow and she grinned. "Now you see, class, this is just the perfect example of how it should be. The mothers nurtured the children, and the men provided for them"
I didn't even realize I had rolled my eyes when she began reprimanding me. "Do you have a problem?" she said in that tone used often on disobedient children. I had to make a decision about how rude it would be to fight this battle in the classroom, but I felt like false doctrine was being taught. I stepped up.
"Keith" I said looking across the table "I really, really hope that you're more involved with raising your children then just putting food on the table for them, you better help be an example for them and teach them"
She looked so outraged, but she spoke in a quiet, seething voice "Provide, Protect, Preside!" she crooned, as if I were descending into the abyss of Hell by even *suggesting* a man should be involved in his children's lives.
I laughed at her and she moved on. I think I made my point. For the record, if you really want to make me angry, evidently that is the perfect way!
I walk into a normal Tuesday institute class, ready to be uplifted from the toils of class. "Turn to Alma 56" she said, and we flipped to the chapter, and read the familiar verse.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their amothers, saying: We bdo not doubt our mothers knew it.
Whatever, I've been listening to that verse forever. Blind faith! Great....
But then she took it a step further. "Now we know that the fathers didn't really teach the sons, but we do know some things about them" She turned to me and said "Julia, will you read verse for the class?" I began reading in a clear voice, while my face turned more red by the second
27 And now it came to pass in the second month of this year, there was brought unto us many provisions from the fathers of those my two thousand sons.
I looked at her with a raised eye brow and she grinned. "Now you see, class, this is just the perfect example of how it should be. The mothers nurtured the children, and the men provided for them"
I didn't even realize I had rolled my eyes when she began reprimanding me. "Do you have a problem?" she said in that tone used often on disobedient children. I had to make a decision about how rude it would be to fight this battle in the classroom, but I felt like false doctrine was being taught. I stepped up.
"Keith" I said looking across the table "I really, really hope that you're more involved with raising your children then just putting food on the table for them, you better help be an example for them and teach them"
She looked so outraged, but she spoke in a quiet, seething voice "Provide, Protect, Preside!" she crooned, as if I were descending into the abyss of Hell by even *suggesting* a man should be involved in his children's lives.
I laughed at her and she moved on. I think I made my point. For the record, if you really want to make me angry, evidently that is the perfect way!
My Beginnings
I really, really, really, really wish there was a unofficial FMH chat board of some kind, where pretty much all the normal readers could hang out and discuss things in a more open forum. I'm not one to thread-jack, but I definitely have plenty to say! lol.
This is the introduction to my blog. Hope you like it? Or, you know, don't. That is cool too.
One day I was walking along, minding my own business (okay, well, as much as I ever do anyway) and a friend trotted up, looking rather deep in thought. "Hey Chris" I smiled "What's up?" He sighed, and I worried. "Can I ask you something Julia?...... Something about your church" the hesitance in his voice worried me. "Oh crap" I thought to myself. "What'd I do this time?". I turned back to him and replied with a strong voice "Sure, I'll do my best to answer your question."
"Well, uhm" he cleared his throat "I was just, uh, wondering, okay. So, I know that mormons don't have sex before marriage. But uhm, uh...what are the rules after marriage, uhm, with your spouse?"
He reeked of discomfort, and maybe I would have too, if I hadn't been prepared. My preparation wasn't your run of the mill say-your-prayers-read-your-scriptures-go-to-church though. I knew because I'm a frequent reader of www.theboard.byu.edu, the BYU 100 Hour Board.
I explained the church's official stance (it is between you, your spouse, and God) and pointed out the two golden questions (a--Is it potentially dangerous? b--Does it make either person feel objectified?). He gave a huge grin and thanked me, afraid it would be much worse (I think he said he had thought the only time we could do anything was to have children and anything else at all, even kissing, was forbidden). Anyway, I went back to the board post that had told me about this stuff (which I now suddenly can't find...meh) also talked about how highly debated it is within the church. It said that this had been hashed and rehashed on the interwebs, and linked several FMH, by common consent, and other bloggernacle-y sites.
I read them, thinking it was a simple topic... and I probably would have closed them and gone on with my day, but something caught my eye. It was a post about a woman, on FMH. It started simply, talking about how sexually frustrated she felt, and how sometimes she just felt like screaming. It discussed the importance the church puts on family, and how worthless she sometimes felt within the church as a single woman, with no perceptive suitors. And all of a sudden I felt like I had discovered a kindred spirit.
Then I started reading the comments. Many were so sympathetic, understanding. It was like I had finally found home. Some were doubtful ("Really? She is that desperate? Sounds more like a troll").... which just hurt, but I knew, like everyone out there it seems, they were just trying to help -.-
The few negatives though, were outweighed by the positives, a thousand fold. This was where I wanted to be.
You very well may not know me, I tend to lurk a lot, but I find the posts on FMH inspiriting, and very thought-provoking.
And that is me in a nutshell!
Edit: Rereading this, it sounds like I feel the same and necessarily run around wanting to scream and or marry the first guy I see. It isn't really that... more like... ok. If you've studied any child development/psychology, you might be familiar with the "latency period" which takes place (roughly) between ages 6 and 11. In theory, the child wants nothing to do with sex, or anything related to it. But sometimes, within the church, it seems like we're just expected to stay there until the day we get married.
This is the introduction to my blog. Hope you like it? Or, you know, don't. That is cool too.
One day I was walking along, minding my own business (okay, well, as much as I ever do anyway) and a friend trotted up, looking rather deep in thought. "Hey Chris" I smiled "What's up?" He sighed, and I worried. "Can I ask you something Julia?...... Something about your church" the hesitance in his voice worried me. "Oh crap" I thought to myself. "What'd I do this time?". I turned back to him and replied with a strong voice "Sure, I'll do my best to answer your question."
"Well, uhm" he cleared his throat "I was just, uh, wondering, okay. So, I know that mormons don't have sex before marriage. But uhm, uh...what are the rules after marriage, uhm, with your spouse?"
He reeked of discomfort, and maybe I would have too, if I hadn't been prepared. My preparation wasn't your run of the mill say-your-prayers-read-your-scriptures-go-to-church though. I knew because I'm a frequent reader of www.theboard.byu.edu, the BYU 100 Hour Board.
I explained the church's official stance (it is between you, your spouse, and God) and pointed out the two golden questions (a--Is it potentially dangerous? b--Does it make either person feel objectified?). He gave a huge grin and thanked me, afraid it would be much worse (I think he said he had thought the only time we could do anything was to have children and anything else at all, even kissing, was forbidden). Anyway, I went back to the board post that had told me about this stuff (which I now suddenly can't find...meh) also talked about how highly debated it is within the church. It said that this had been hashed and rehashed on the interwebs, and linked several FMH, by common consent, and other bloggernacle-y sites.
I read them, thinking it was a simple topic... and I probably would have closed them and gone on with my day, but something caught my eye. It was a post about a woman, on FMH. It started simply, talking about how sexually frustrated she felt, and how sometimes she just felt like screaming. It discussed the importance the church puts on family, and how worthless she sometimes felt within the church as a single woman, with no perceptive suitors. And all of a sudden I felt like I had discovered a kindred spirit.
Then I started reading the comments. Many were so sympathetic, understanding. It was like I had finally found home. Some were doubtful ("Really? She is that desperate? Sounds more like a troll").... which just hurt, but I knew, like everyone out there it seems, they were just trying to help -.-
The few negatives though, were outweighed by the positives, a thousand fold. This was where I wanted to be.
You very well may not know me, I tend to lurk a lot, but I find the posts on FMH inspiriting, and very thought-provoking.
And that is me in a nutshell!
Edit: Rereading this, it sounds like I feel the same and necessarily run around wanting to scream and or marry the first guy I see. It isn't really that... more like... ok. If you've studied any child development/psychology, you might be familiar with the "latency period" which takes place (roughly) between ages 6 and 11. In theory, the child wants nothing to do with sex, or anything related to it. But sometimes, within the church, it seems like we're just expected to stay there until the day we get married.
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